Conversations about mental health and mental illness can be tough. They are challenging even when it is adults sharing and talking. So, imagine how hard parents and caregivers find it to broach the subject with young children.
“One of the questions I am asked most often is, ‘How can I support my child?’” says Jon Schlenske, a mental health practitioner with over 20 years of experience. “The best advice I can provide is to first consider it from their young and inexperienced perspective and then to really just listen to them.”
Anxiety and depression have been around for hundreds of years; however, limited knowledge and awareness kept it a topic that was often buried and unaddressed. Today, mental health awareness and understanding is mainstream. However, just because there is more education and less shame does not mean it is magically easier to speak with kids about mental illness and the importance of mental health.
“There are some helpful tips to follow when talking to children about this topic,” says Jon Schlenske. “When using this approach, it is important to remain compassionate and nonjudgmental. It will feel intimidating and perhaps even overwhelming, and that is normal. Just stay supportive and open-minded, even if it feels uncomfortable.”
Keep in mind, too, that while this generation of children is more open and educated about mental health, stigma still exists. To combat this, parents can create a home environment where emotions are discussed openly and without shame within the family. Acknowledging the presence of stigma is helpful, as well.
“Assuring kids that home is a safe and secure place where mental health is openly discussed gets you off on the right foot and opens the door to future conversations,” says Jon Schlenske.
Here, Jon Schlenske shares tips to approach conversations about mental health with children.
1. Share your own feelings
When you model that emotions are common and healthy to talk about, children are more likely to feel comfortable opening up. You can tell them that you, too, have felt nervousness, sadness, anxiety, depression and more. You can share, and show, that you worked on ways to cope and move forward, and they can, as well.
2. Talk together about mental health at their level
Speak at a level that is appropriate to their age and development level. At an early age, it is wise to begin encouraging children to recognize and label their emotions and reassuring them that it is natural to have all sorts of feelings. Be open about the fact that happiness is not always expected or realistic, and there will always be ups and downs.
3. Encourage them to open up, too
Let children know that talking about what they’re feeling, even when it’s hard or uncomfortable, is a normal and healthy part of life. An important part of this is validating their feelings and thanking them for sharing. Let them know that, even during times of mental health struggles, you love and support them.
4. Start small
When talking about difficult emotions, it can be helpful to start with shorter conversations, especially if you notice they seem agitated or uncomfortable. Try it out in a place you know they’re comfortable, so it doesn’t come off as forced or intimating.
5. Try calming techniques
You can try doing breathing exercises with children before or after tough conversations. If super intense feelings come up during the conversation, take a break and come back to it later. Try practicing mindfulness together, so it becomes a natural coping skill.
6. Be present
It’s important to be fully present and patient in these conversations. Listen attentively to what they’re sharing and give them space to say and feel whatever is coming up for them. It can be tempting to try to fix everything straight away but try to focus at first on really listening and providing emotional support.
7. Respect their boundaries
If children don’t want to share their experience right away, be patient and respect their choice. Let them know that you’re there for them when they are ready to talk.
8. Remind them that support is always available
It sounds obvious, but just hearing that you have their back, and that support is available to get them through it, is very valuable to children. Let them know that they have options, whether that’s therapy, psychiatry, mental health coaching or talking to other trusted adults. Emphasize that they’re not alone and that children (and adults!) everywhere are going through it.
“Children with good mental health feel loved, safe and secure in their environments,” says Jon Schlenske. “They’re kind to themselves during tough times or when things don’t go the way they expect, and they don’t beat themselves up when facing obstacles and failures. They enjoy life, learn well and get along well with family and friends. And, most importantly, they can manage sad, worrying or angry feelings without fear of judgment or shame from their parents or caregivers.”
