Donna Hurley of Fresno is the President of Sierra Meadows Senior Care. In the following article, Donna Hurley discusses the relationship of caregivers and caretakers, the differences between them, and the important boundaries needed to provide adequate care to today’s senior citizens.
Realizing that you are part of the sandwich generation can be heartbreaking and frustrating. Caring for a parent, while being a parent yourself can be a difficult expectation, which can create a stressful, and unhealthy situation for both parties involved. You want to support them by being a caregiver, or is it caretaker? What’s the difference?
Donna Hurley of Fresno explains that a caregiver freely gives care without expecting reciprocation and upholds healthy boundaries in the relationship, sometimes, but not limited to, a friend or family member. Caretakers, on the other hand, are often employed by a facility to provide care to an individual. Most often, the caretaker is not a relative of the person whom they are providing care.
While caregiver and caretaker may sound synonymous and are often used interchangeably, an important line separates what is considered a healthy caregiving relationship in an elderly support situation. Donna Hurley of Fresno provides below, some insight on how to differentiate between the two, and how either role can provide quality senior care for those in need.
Defining and Differentiating Caretaker and Caregiver
While both terms begin with “care,” the suffix hints at how they differ. The word “giving,” which often precedes “advice,” “gifts,” or “support,” typically involves a voluntary transfer without the giver expecting an immediate reciprocation or reward. Oftentimes, caregivers are known to the person they provide care to.
Donna Hurley of Fresno says that to “take care of,” on the other hand, implies providing care of an individual with expectations. Some caretakers feel they are expected to do absolutely everything for the person under their care, which can create a certain level of superiority within the relationship, while caregivers are looked at as more of a personal support assistant.
Donna Hurley of Fresno says that caregivers who work with seniors can be a family member or home care personnel employed by an agency. In both cases, they provide assistance in the activities of daily living, such as grocery shopping, medication management, meal preparation, transportation, and housekeeping.
What differentiates caregivers from caretakers is empathy, and healthy boundaries. Caregivers have empathy for the care recipient, but they recognize and respect that their assistance must be limited. Caregivers employed by an outside agency are often better than a patient’s own relatives at drawing the line between being helpful and overbearing.
What Characterizes Healthy Caregiving
Healthy caregivers, whether they are employed specialists or concerned family members, make an evident effort to respect the agency of those they care for. In an elder care situation, a caregiver would offer, rather than impose help, and refrain from performing tasks that a care recipient is able and willing to do independently. Rather, Donna Hurley of Fresno says that they encourage the recipient’s independence, with assistance.
Caregiving is often gradual and progressive, with the areas in which a caregiver’s aid progresses in a way that feels comfortable and natural on both sides. Caregivers with healthy boundaries recognize the need to show support not only toward the recipient, but also toward themselves by maintaining their own physical, mental, and social health.
What Qualifies as Caretaking
Donna Hurley of Fresno says that caretakers can often be overbearing and hyper-controlling, especially if a caretaker is that of a family member. Rather than asking how they can best provide help and support, caretakers often assist without consulting the care recipient and “take control” of matters instead of encouraging the independence of the recipient.
While caregivers do not expect expressed appreciation or immediate compensation, caretakers are often focused on resolving perceived “problems” that constitutes providing care. They may not understand the importance of supporting the recipient’s independence in the situation. Rather, the caretaker provides all of the care, all of the time, even when the recipient is capable of certain tasks independently.
Donna Hurley of Fresno says that relationships involving familial caretakers are more likely to involve codependency, which Mental Health America defines as an unhealthy relationship in which caretaking becomes compulsive and can lead to anger and feelings of inadequacy on both sides.
How to Recognize the Boundaries
Donna Hurley of Fresno reports that it is not uncommon for caregivers to experience caregiver fatigue, or anger and resentment as a result of their stressful role and empathetic nature. When this frustration stems from a provider’s feelings of inadequacy, and self-neglect, the caregiver may also be at risk of experiencing burnout, which significantly impacts their own quality of life.
Those heading down the path of, or currently experiencing burnout may have a hard time recognizing and expressing their emotions. They may also become socially withdrawn and stop practicing healthy habits like maintaining their own nutritional and hygiene health, getting enough sleep, and engaging in regular exercise. Donna Hurley of Fresno says that this will then in turn effect those they care for by not receiving adequate assistance.
Tips for Setting and Respecting Healthy Boundaries in Senior Care
Professionals are aware of the potential harms of crossing the line between giving necessary help and taking their assistance too far. If someone is in the position of caring for a senior, be it a family member, or otherwise, the tips listed below can help protect and respect both yourself as a caregiver and the recipient of your care:
- Set aside time to maintain your own physical, social, and mental health.
Recognize and feel your emotions and frustrations and vent them to a therapist or a friend. - Understand and accept that you alone can never resolve every issue that arises in the life of your patient.
- Communicate with your patient as an equal and seek the patient’s opinion as much as possible.
- Don’t jump in to do things that a patient wants and is able to do independently.
- Increase assistance gradually as needed.
- Recognize your own limits and accept the help of others to avoid becoming overwhelmed.
- Explore options for a higher level of care and keep an eye out for these signs that a senior might need professional medical help.
Conclusion
It’s hard to watch someone you love grow old, and it can feel natural to want to provide help in every way that you can. Nonetheless, while it may be tempting to overcommit yourself and become their only means of assistance by assuming responsibility over every area of their life that could stand to be improved, it’s important to set boundaries both for their benefit and yours.
As in most situations, when it comes to providing care for an elder, too much of a good thing is never a good thing. Setting a limit in your role as a care provider does not mean that you are neglecting the patient’s wellbeing, or the time spent with them. But prioritizing support, encouraging independence, and setting respectful boundaries, will create a healthy, happy relationship for senior care.
